"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
