Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
