We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
