i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
