hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
whose parrot is this?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
