having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
