I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
