Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
