then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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