how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
