my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
