I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
