I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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