Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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