Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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