like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
