How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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