I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
