I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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