I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
