The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
