her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Randomize
