i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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