we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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