Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
