Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
