apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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