3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
