dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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