I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
