after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
