We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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