P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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