When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
