just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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