I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
