i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
