I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
