Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
