I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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