my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
