i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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