I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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