dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
