If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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