Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
