Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
