apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
