i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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