Acid is not a monday night drug
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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