She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
