just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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