So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
