You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
