miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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