Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
