Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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