hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
