Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
