Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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