I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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