im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
